Worst of Wrestling #3: Royal Rumble 2022

Welcome back to the Worst of Wrestling. Last time we covered Season 1 of NXT, often looked back on as being “not that bad” but once the rose-tinted glasses fall, it is clear how much the show sucked. Today, our quest to conquer bad wrestling shows does not send us far back at all. Only 3 years to the mixed bag of a year that was 2022 for arguably the most fun annual tradition, the Royal Rumble. The final year with Vince McMahon in charge of the WWE, kind of. It’s been a messy couple of years behind the scenes.

The 2022 Royal Rumble PPV was widely regarded as the worst WWE PPV of 2022. A lot of disappointment across the entire show in terms of match quality, booking and entertainment. The biggest shortcomings come from the Royal Rumble matches. Usually they can be relied on for a bit of fun, even if the match is a bit shit. However, 2022 committed the cardinal sin for Royal Rumble matches. Being boring.

Let’s save the critiquing for later on and have a quick refresher session on the state of the WWE leading up to the Royal Rumble.

Background

On January 29th 2022, the 35th annual Royal Rumble aired from St. Louis, Missouri. This was a significant event from a broadcasting perspective. Not only was it the first Royal Rumble to air on Peacock, but it was the first to air on Disney+ as part of a deal to broadcast WWE on the platform exclusively in Indonesia. For the first time since 2007, WWE had 2 main roster PPVs airing in January, the Royal Rumble coming 4 weeks after the first and only Day 1 event.

As always in the build towards the Royal Rumble, there were many circulating rumours about who would win and who might make a surprise appearance. 3 days before the event, both Brock Lesnar and Big E were the odds on favourite to win the men’s Rumble, Drew McIntyre and Roman Reigns were an outside chance whilst The Rock and AJ Styles were even less likely favourites. Interesting that 2 of those men were reigning world champions heading into the show. That will be because Reigns vs Lesnar at Wrestlemania 38 has been in the plans for months.

Over on the women’s side, Bianca Belair was the clear favourite to win in the eyes of the bookies. Shortly behind her is Ronda Rousey, who hasn’t been seen in WWE for a while and is rumoured to be making a return. Alexa Bliss, Bayley and Rhea Ripley were outside favourites, whilst Charlotte Flair and Sasha Banks were distant possibilities.

Impact Wrestling’s Knockouts champion Mickie James was confirmed as returning to WWE for the Rumble, whilst Jackass star Johnny Knoxville was also confirmed. This had fans speculating who else could make a surprise appearance.

Storylines

The Rumbles

You know how the Rumble works. 30 wrestlers. Over the top rope. By the numbers. Both feet touching the floor. Point at the sign. Main eventing Wrestlemania, except not always. A tale as old as time. On the men’s side, 25 of the entrants were confirmed ahead of time. Top stars like Randy Orton, Kevin Owens, Big E and Kofi Kingston are expected appearances. The rest of the field is filled out by quite a talented crop of midcarders. The women’s Rumble had 23 confirmed participants including alumni appearances by the Bella Twins, Michelle McCool, Kelly Kelly & Lita.

With 12 available spots to be filled, its understandable that fans were hyped for the possibility of some returning legends or NXT spotlights.

A Dream Match

The scheduled match between Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar at Day 1 was cancelled due to Roman testing positive for COVID-19. WWE had to change their plans, so they decided to add Brock Lesnar into the WWE Championship match, turning it into a 5-way. Reigning champion Big E, Bobby Lashley, Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens and now Brock Lesnar. Sounds like a good time right? It was, but Big E losing the championship to Brock Lesnar was a baffling booking decision. The Beast wasn’t even supposed to be in the match, so why make the change?

Anyways, after Day 1, Bobby Lashley won a 4-way to become the new WWE Championship number 1 contender and set up a dream match people have talked about for years. Lesnar reacquired the services of Paul Heyman ahead of this clash of the titans. Heyman of course is also the Wiseman to the Universal Champion, Roman Reigns. The build to this match is simply but told brilliantly by this epic video package. Both Lesnar and Lashley have backgrounds in amateur wrestling. They both left pro wrestling for a period to compete in MMA. So many similarities yet so many differences. Bobby Lashley claims that Lesnar has been ducking him for years. Lesnar apologises, because if they had cross paths, he would have beaten Bobby already.

Couples Warfare

The Rated-R Superstar “Cope” used to be a much cooler and better wrestler by the name of Edge. Edge made his return to WWE on the November 29th edition of Raw. He was last seen defeating Seth Rollins inside Hell in a Cell at Crown Jewel in October. Edge runs through a list of names he would still love to get the chance to wrestle before his career ends, but he is interrupted by The Miz. Miz, alongside his wife Maryse, are also making a return from their hiatus to go compete on Dancing With The Stars. The Miz felt disrespected that not only was his return not heavily promoted like Edge’s was, but that Edge did not name him as a dream opponent.

Weeks of intense confrontations lead to the Day 1 PPV, where Edge defeated The Miz in a 20 minute match. That sounds too long to me. During the match, Maryse keeps getting involved her help her husband which brings out Edge’s wife Beth Phoenix to even the odds. On the Raw after Day 1, Miz & Maryse attacked Edge & Beth. The Rated R couple challenge Miz & Maryse to a tag match at the Rumble which Miz accepts, although Maryse doesn’t look too pleased.

Stepping Up To The Man

Becky Lynch has been the Raw Women’s Champion ever since her return at the 2021 Summerslam. Becky Lynch last defeated Liv Morgan at Day 1. Morgan wants a rematch, whilst Bianca Belair wants a match with her long term rival Becky too. Then, Doudrop confronts Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville demanding a title match herself. Doudrop defeats Morgan & Belair in a triple threat contender match, thanks to Becky Lynch attacking Bianca.

This was a weird time for Doudrop, AKA Piper Niven. Debuting on Raw in June 2021, Piper Niven became a heel and began working with Eva Marie. Remember her? 100% hot, 0% talented. A week later, Eva Marie changed Piper’s name to Doudrop. I never thought to search what Doudrop meant until now.

According to Urban Dictionary, Doudrop refers to a woman who experiences romantic attraction to other women. Ah great, another Vince McMahon lesbian joke. I think this was supposed to create heel heat for Eva Marie, but she didn’t need anymore heat. We all thought she sucked. Only a month or 2 after teaming up, Doudrop turned on Eva Marie and became a face. A few months later, Eva Marie was released by WWE and they just kept Piper Niven as Doudrop. A terrible name and no one would ever take her seriously under that gimmick.

Doudrop would be a face for a few months before turning heel in November, but she would briefly return to being a face again here for her feud with Becky Lynch. She is getting the unfortunate Big Show treatment. A larger than average wrestler being poked fun at for entertainment.

Old Wounds

On the January 7th Smackdown, Roman Reigns did not have a challenger for his Universal Championship because he has beaten everyone. Adam Pearce has an opponent picked out, but Roman does not care so much. In waltzes Seth Rollins from Raw who is confirmed as his next opponent. This was an interesting heel vs heel situation, but depending on your perspective, either man could be the face.

The feud is a continuation of a story that is almost 10 years old. Seth Rollins broke up The Shield, cashed in Money in the Bank during Roman’s first Wrestlemania main event, returned from his injury and defeated Roman for the WWE championship. Rollins has been a persistent thorn in the side. Roman has tried so hard to forgive Seth, but he admits he will never forgive him for what he did to them. Seth Rollins mocks Roman for his losses to him, his many failures and even goes as far to insult the A’noai Family.

This is just another chapter in the deeply layered and awesome rivalry between Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns.

Royal Rumble 2022, Pay-Per-View Airing Live From The Dome at America’s Center in St. Louis, Missouri

The show opens with a typical Royal Rumble intro package. Highlights of past Rumble winners and their Wrestlemania success. “The Royal Rumble is what it is, what it is, and man is it.” What the hell does that even mean? “There is only one thing left to do, and that’s ball.”

The package now briefly hypes the non-Rumble matches also going down at the show. Doordash and Cricket present…the Royal Rumble.

I miss when WWE sponsors weren’t so obnoxious and in your face like today.

No opening pyro, which is one of the saddest changes that happened in the final years of the Vince McMahon regime. We are welcomed by Michael Cole saying “we are officially on the road to Wrestlemania” as the camera pans across a packed St Louis crowd. 44,390 WWE fans are here tonight which is the 7th biggest attendance for a RR event.

Pat McAfee is alongside Michael Cole, calling his first Royal Rumble event. He hypes up the event, but he is interrupted by the entrance music of The Tribal Chief.

Roman Reigns (c) vs Seth Rollins, Universal Championship

Before Roman Reigns comes out, we are greeted by those godawful ARGs that WWE got obsessed with. Remember those? The ugly looking 3D graphics for certain entrances? The most infamous ones are Randy Orton’s poo snakes, Becky Lynch’s creepy peek and Bianca Belair’s giant haunted lips. I’m glad they have been mostly scrapped. They’re good for logos like Cody Rhodes’ but little else.

Roman has reigned for 516 days as Universal champion, only 4 men in WWE history have held a world title longer. Pedro Morales, Bob Backlund, Hulk Hogan and Bruno Sammartino.

We are still in the infancy of one of the most legendary title runs of all time. I know it had its ups and downs, but the legendary status of this reign is undeniable.

As it states above, Roman Reigns has to do this alone. The Uso’s and Paul Heyman are barred from ringside. Roman holds his title high and he gets a blast of pyro above the ring. We expect to hear Seth Rollins’ music, but instead we hear the iconic music of their dead faction. The Shield. Rollins enters through the crowd, dressed in the all-black riot gear just like he and Roman used to do many years ago. He even jumps & rolls over the barricade like he used to do. Roman looks PISSED.

I love this touch. Brilliant mind games being played by Seth Rollins, who I think firmly cemented himself as the babyface in this heel vs heel encounter, even though Roman was the one screwed over by Rollins initially.

Let’s Begin

Michael Cole sells Roman muttering to himself, clearly rattled by Rollins’ mind games. Seth continues his verbal mockery whilst being able to slip out of Roman’s offence. Roman is fighting with anger and it exposes him to counters. Additionally, Rollins is far quicker. Seth takes Roman out of the ring and hits him with a pair of suicide dives. Roman counters a springboard knee with one of his awesome uppercuts. Roman hits a signature drive-by, but his Superman punch is countered. Rollins powerbombs Reigns through the announce table, which Cole calls a Shield Bomb.

I understand the call, but calling it a Shield Bomb is a little silly.

A frog splash from Rollins gets a 2 count. It has been nearly all Seth Rollins thus far. He hits the buckle bomb and follows with a stomp but Roman kicks out at the last second. Rollins tries a stomp a second time but Roman drops him with a clothesline. Now it is time for the champ to deliver some punishment. Roman is furious as he mounts Rollins and beats him. A huge powerbomb gets a 2 count.

Roman starts cussing out Rollins for betraying him, but Rollins just laughs in his face. “Oh you laughing at me, huh?” Roman goes for the mount again but Seth locks in a triangle choke. Roman powers up and powerbombs Seth once more. The malicious beat down continues outside of the ring, throwing Rollins around into anything he can use to cause damage. Reigns drops Rollins with a Superman Punch in the ring but it only gets a 2. Reigns does a lap around the ring and spears Seth Rollins. He throws him back in the ring and goes for a second spear but it is countered into a pedigree! 1-2-kick out!

Amazing counter and near fall. I always love seeing that reversal.

PTSD

Commentary do a good job connecting the pedigree and Triple H to the reason why The Shield broke up in the first place. “Burn it down” is chanted as Rollins goes for the stomp. Both men trade reversals and strikes until Roman lands a second spear. When he goes for the pin, Seth Rollins holds out his fist like The Shield used to do and laughs in Roman’s face.

“Ha ha ha! Come on brother, I’ll always love you!” Rollins continues to mock Roman. The Universal champion stands up and goes to the corner where he talks to himself, continuing to unravel as Rollins disrespects him. Roman Reigns grabs Seth and locks him in the guillotine. Seth refuses to tap out and he manages to make it to the ropes, but Roman does not care.

Roman Reigns refuses to let go of the hold until Charles Robinson counts to 5 and disqualifies him. “He deserves it! He won’t allow me to let go” Roman shouts as he chokes the life out of Seth Rollins. Roman is still furious and he tells the crowd that this was his fault. The fans chant “Roman sucks” as he is trying to maintain his cool which sends him into an other rage.

Roman Reigns grabs a steel chair and in a near perfect mirror of how The Shield initially broke up, he cracks the chair across Seth Rollins’ back. Roman destroys Seth with the chair until the chair breaks. He mocks Seth, smiling and holding up his finger to the sky. He may not have walked out victorious, but he is still champion and Roman looks calm.

Roman Reigns walks up the ramp with his title, talking to himself and feeling good about the damage he has done.

Analysis

My rating; ****

This match has aged beautifully. Back then, I understand why people would have been disappointed with the finish. The action was great, the intensity was high and the storytelling was at such a high level only for it to end in DQ. By this point WWE fans were incredibly sick of weak, screwy finishes happening all of the time on TV and too frequently on PPV. The overuse of a DQ finish is detrimental because it means when there is a really good example of it, the reaction is mixed at best.

This is a great example of using a DQ finish for the better. They have established that Roman Reigns struggles in matches against Seth Rollins and that his anger for The Shield break-up was going to be working against him. All of that led to the finish where Roman refused to break his submission because he wanted to break Seth Rollins the same way he broke him. Rollins wins, Roman is still champ, Roman gets his heat back after the match. Perfectly executed.

The call backs by Seth Rollins were fantastic from the gear to the interactions. All of this looks even better since it played into Roman Reigns’ legendary title reign coming to an end at Wrestlemania XL against Cody Rhodes. Roman again could not get over Seth’s betrayal and it ultimately cost him the match. This was a brilliant way to kick off the show.

Ad Break

We are once again welcomed to St. Louis, this time by one of the least memorable lead announcers in WWE history, Jimmy Smith. Remember him? It’s okay, neither do I. He is alongside fellow Raw announcers Corey Graves and Byron Saxton. Jimmy Smith looks like Joe Rogan if he never smoked weed and was an accountant. He and Corey Graves sell the carnage of the last match before hyping the next match. The first Royal Rumble of the night.

Women’s Royal Rumble

Ring announcer Mike Rome runs through the rules of the match before entrant number 1 arrives, it is Sasha Banks. Loud crowd reaction for her as a huge pair of blue, ARG hands with “BOSS TIME” written on them pop up. Sasha Banks is dressed in Sailor Moon cosplay and she looks incredible.

God I miss Sasha Banks in WWE. She has been doing good work outside of the company but I would love to see her mix it up with some of the talent they have now.

Sasha Banks gets a blast of pyro as she enters the ring. Entrant number 2 is…the returning Melina! The red carpet is rolled out and the paparazzi is here for the former women’s champion.

Melina appearing was a great surprise. She looked in great shape and I was excited to see her compete in a WWE ring once again.

Melina hits her signature split drop on the apron to a huge pop. The match is ready to begin.

1-5

Melina is overwhelmed with emotion as she stands face to face with Sasha. They trash talk each other, Sasha catches a kick and lands one of her own before dumping Melina over the top rope in shockingly quick fashion.

Melina is eliminated.

According to Melina, that was not meant to happen. I think she botched bouncing off the rope or she just slipped off. You can tell by the way she hits the floor that she is upset. This was such a shame. Unfortunate start to the match.

Sasha Banks mocks Melina’s pose and does her bouncing split dance.

Goddamn.

Tamina enters at number 3, these 2 women are former partners as part of Team B.A.D back in the day. “China shop getting ready for the bull.” Jimmy says, confusingly. Sasha takes out Tamina before she can even get in the ring with a meteora. They have a decent back and forth, Sasha is on top for most of it but Tamina is in control when the clock reaches 0. Entrant number 4 is the returning Kelly Kelly. She throws some strikes, does a weak hurricanrana and a fine handspring back elbow before Tamina runs her over with a clothesline.

Kelly Kelly locks Sasha in a tarantula on the ropes, but Sasha simply pushes her off and to the outside.

Kelly Kelly is eliminated.

I know we don’t expect much out of Kelly Kelly, but executing a move like that in a Royal Rumble is incredibly stupid.

Entrant number 5 is Aliyah, to absolutely no crowd reaction. She has the fastest pinfall victory in WWE history. Jimmy somehow tries to make the connection that doing that just before the Rumble is a bad idea because now she is not surprising anyone, they are ready for her.

Aliyah takes out Sasha, rips off her mini top and swings it above her head. Tamina snatches it from her and slaps her with it. She comes to blows with Sasha again, this time the Boss comes out on top. Corey Graves says the ring is filling up and getting crowded already.

There are 3 women in the ring Corey, calm down.

6-10

Coming in at number 6 is Liv Morgan who sprints to the ring. She mixes it up with Sasha and nearly eliminates her but Tamina makes the save. Sasha hits the 3 Amigos on Aliyah as number 7 makes her entrance, Queen Zelina.

Oh my I forgot about when Zelina won the Queen’s Crown. What a weird character arc for her.

Zelina joins the group and kicks Sasha Banks off the apron! “Look at the speed of that push kick” says Jimmy. The fans boo.

Sasha Banks is eliminated.

Baffling decision. Sasha was not only the best wrestler in that ring, but she was one of only 2 women in the match that could feasibly win. Now Liv Morgan is the only person in there with any fan support, but not as much as Sasha. She should have won this match looking back. A throwaway elimination in the first 10 minutes of the match is egregious.

Entrant number 8 is Bianca Belair, who won the Royal Rumble the previous year. A favourite to win the match once again.

You’re telling me WWE that you decided not to put Bianca Belair and Sasha Banks face to face in the Royal Rumble, calling back to their Wrestlemania main event?! Baffling.

Bianca Belair goes on a tear, hitting a handspring kick to Liv, into a moonsault on Aliyah. Good stuff by the EST.

Coming in at number 9 is Dana Brooke, who is accompanied by Reggie. Byron Saxton calls her the sleeper pick to win the match.

Hahahaha

Dana mixes it up with Tamina and Bianca. She tries to get the crowd into the match but unfortunately they are quiet. They don’t care. They chant for the EST until they start counting down for entrant number 10, Michelle McCool. McCool kicks Dana out of the ring but she is caught by Reggie who carries her to safety. Michelle drops Zelina with a brutal Styles Clash, then catches Dana in mid-air with a big boot before throwing her over the top rope.

Dana Brooke is eliminated.

Michelle McCool injected some much needed excitement into the match, even if it was brief.

The women go back to grappling in the corners as the counter arrives at 0. Sonya Deville enters at number 10. She is a WWE official so Byron Saxton says that her being in the Rumble feels unfair, but Corey says she is a superstar before all of that. Sonya comes over and joins commentary. They all take way too much time talking about how if her jacket is on she is an official, if it is off she is a wrestler. Jimmy Smith keeps talking over Corey Graves and Corey finally shouts over him to let him speak.

11-15

Nothing interesting happens in the ring. Entrant number 11…IT’S BRET HART! Ah wait, it’s Natalya. Tamina has Bianca on her shoulders near the ropes, Natalya flips them both over the top rope but Bianca manages to hold on by her hair.

Tamina is eliminated.

Here comes entrant number 12, the returning Funkadactyl, Cameron.

WWE are scraping the barrel of alumni returns aren’t they?

Corey Graves explains to Sonya Deville that Cameron is a former ally and close friend of Naomi’s. Sonya, who is feuding with Naomi, takes her jacket off and heads to the ring. Cameron hits a few moves but Sonya rushes in and decks her. Sonya throws Cameron into the ring post and she tumbles to the floor.

Cameron is eliminated.

At least they did something interesting with this match. Although Cameron is a pretty underwhelming return, she has ties to Naomi which developed this feud which is fine.

Conveniently, entering next at number 13 is Naomi. She checks on her friend Cameron on the outside before going into the ring and brawling with Deville. Naomi throws Sonya over and drops her with a big head kick.

Sonya Deville is eliminated.

It’s a feud that no one really cares much about, but at least it is something. Naomi is getting good crowd reactions.

Entrant number 15 is Carmella, so Corey Graves start glazing her as the odds on favourite to win the whole thing. “You’re not the brightest guy in the world Saxton. You’re not even the brightest guy in your seat right now.” Graves’ commentary is a mixed bag, but his bullying of Byron Saxton is always entertaining. Carmella takes her sweet time getting to the ring and she slowly walks around ringside. A lot more standing, punching and grappling in the ring.

16-20

Number 16 is Rhea Ripley to a solid pop, Byron puts her over as the new favourite.

Rhea still looks great here, but she looks far less of a star than she does now. She suits darker hair so much more than the blonde.

Ripley grabs Carmella and throws her into the ring. Carmella, Zelina & Natalya triple team Rhea Ripley. Ripley flips Carmella and Zelina onto the apron and dropkicks them both to the floor.

Carmella & Queen Zelina are eliminated.

Rhea dominates everyone as number 17 arrives, the Smackdown women’s champion Charlotte Flair.

I would have liked if Rhea Ripley paid more attention to this rather than continuing to deliver beatings to the women in the ring. These two has an intense feud 2 years prior and Ripley was never able to defeat her.

Charlotte Flair wants to make sure she has a worthy opponent for Wrestlemania, hence why she is in this once. Flair attacks anyone in sight. She throws Aliyah over the ropes.

Aliyah is eliminated.

Flair catches Naomi mid-hurricanrana and throws her over the top, but Naomi saves herself in a handstand position. Unfortunately, Sonya Deville is back to pull Naomi down to the floor.

Naomi is eliminated.

Liv Morgan fights Charlotte Flair. Number 18 is the returning legend Ivory. She has a microphone and says that nothing has changed since she was last here. It is hard for her to look at these girls. She sees a bunch of lost little girls and she wants to see women taking care of their families. Rhea Ripley puts Ivory over the top rope and shoves her to the floor. “How dare you!!!” Ivory screams.

Ivory is eliminated.

Not a bad comedy spot, but it was short and in a match lacking in moments, I wish we got a bit more out of Ivory.

Entering at 19, “Brie Mode!!” It’s Brie Bella. “Bella Army rejoice.” See, those are the commentary calls that make me happy Corey Graves got relegated to NXT. Brie throws some bad punches before doing the Yes! chant with the crowd doing it with her. Brie goes after Natalya, who Byron Saxton calls the Iron Woman of the match. She entered at 11. There are 3 other women who have been in longer than her.

Bianca and Rhea team up to fight Flair, not much else is happening. Here comes entrant number 20, the Impact Knockouts champion, Mickie James. The crowd are hot for her return.

A great welcome back for Mickie James who is doing much better work in Impact Wrestling after her poorly booked second run in WWE.

Michelle McCool attacks Mickie James before she enters the ring, a nice call back to their mid-00s rivalry. Mickie fights back and hurricanranas McCool out of the ring.

Michelle McCool is eliminated.

21-25

Huge chants for Mickie James. Here comes number 21, it is another return, former Divas champion Alicia Fox. She throws some kicks and we’re back to punching and grappling in the corners. I haven’t heard anyone talk about grip as much as Jimmy Smith has for Natalya.

Entrant number 22 is Nikki A.S.H.

I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT NIKKI CROSS’ SUPERHERO PHASE.

Nikki tries to sneak in from behind to surprise eliminate her former ally Rhea Ripley. It fails so Nikki rolls out and escapes her wrath. We’re back to standing, grappling and punching. Coming in at number 23 is Summer Rae. “The legends continue!”

A generous descriptor by Jimmy there.

Summer Rae targets her former rival (apparently) Natalya and they get into an awful looking slap fight. Rae screams something at the fans until Flair drops her which somehow gets cheers from the crowd. Natalya throws Summer Rae out of the ring, Flair is there to mock Summer too.

Summer Rae is eliminated.

What is the point? A waste of an entrant.

Nikki Bella enters at number 24. Jimmy Smith says that alliances are out of the window even between twins, whilst Nikki is literally helping her sister. The Bellas work together to take out Bianca Belair. Their former ally Alicia Fox poses with them, but the Bellas knock her off the apron.

Alicia Fox is eliminated.

25-30

Sarah Logan enters at number 25, returning for the first time in almost 2 years after being married and having a child. She has a brief reunion with former Riott Squad ally Liv Morgan, before being dumped out in short order by The Bellas.

Sarah Logan is eliminated.

Jesus what miserable booking. We didn’t even get to see the Riott Squad actually do anything. Sarah Logan didn’t get to do anything. She was wiped out pretty quickly by the Bella Twins in a move that really pissed off the fans.

After that, Liv Morgan is kicked off the apron by Nikki Bella.

Liv Morgan is eliminated.

Oh yeah this is the Vince McMahon way. Why are the Bellas always booked so damn strong? Ruining your active women’s division in favour of a pair of part-time wrestlers turned reality stars who were never that great.

Entering at number 26 is Lita “LEGENDS! ICONS! INNOVATORS! TRAILBLAZERS!” God Jimmy is so annoying. Lita gets the biggest pop of the night by far. She mixes it up with Mickie James which was cool to see. Lita drops her with a DDT and Mickie spills out of the ropes.

Mickie James is eliminated.

I would make the argument that Mickie James was mostly back in the ring before the DDT happened, therefore I wouldn’t have counted this as an elimination. I think this was a bit screwy. Avoid doing spots like this, it is just confusing. Also another recognisable fan favourite that is gone. One less person that the fans can root for.

Lita and Charlotte Flair come face to face before trading strikes. Number 27 enters now and it is Mighty Molly. She gets blindsided by Nikki A.S.H during her entrance and launches her into the steel steps. Nikki throws Molly into the ring and shouts at her that there can only be one superhero. She dumps Molly out of the ring.

Mighty Molly is eliminated.

So many short stays in this rumble. They all just feel like wasted spots. Another case of a fan favourite being taken out and eliminated with little fanfare.

Entrant number 28 is the returning Ronda Rousey. The ring stands still and the crowd pops for it. Ronda throws Nikki Bella and Nikki ASH over the tope and chokes them both. She kicks Nikki ASH to the floor.

Nikki A.S.H is eliminated.

Ronda nearly eliminates Nikki Bella, Brie tries to save but nearly knocks Nikki off. Then. Brie just knocks her sister of the apron anyways.

Nikki Bella is eliminated.

That made no sense. Brie tries to save her sister, then just decides to eliminate her? Why would you do that when you’re clearly incapable of taking out Ronda Rousey alone?

Ronda peppers Brie with strikes in the corner. In comes entrant number 29, Shotzi. She does some moves, it is fine. Ronda throws Brie over the top rope and she loses her footing.

Brie Bella is eliminated.

That actually looked like a botch but I cannot be sure. Props to Brie if it was intentional because she made that look real.

The women continue to wrestle. Ronda is barely giving Bianca Belair and Rhea Ripley anything. She stays on the offence, barely sells and barely lets anyone get offence in on her. Ronda’s best friend Shayna Baszler enters the ring at number 30. Baszler and Ronda tease going 1 on 1 but Flair takes out Baszler.

Ronda Rousey uses a modified armbar to drop Shotzi to the floor.

Shotzi is eliminated.

She tries to do the same to Natalya but in comes Bianca Belair who knocks Natalya to the floor.

Natalya is eliminated.

Ronda tries to eliminate Bianca, but Natalya rolls back in and stops it? Then, Ronda throws Natalya over the top to the floor again.

I think that Bianca eliminating Natalya was a mistake, so Natalya called an audible and got back in so Ronda could throw her out for some reason. It is stupid, Ronda doesn’t benefit from it. All it does is make Natalya look even worse.

The Finale

6 women remain and they are still just standing around grappling. Lita looks awesome with a hurricanrana to Rhea Ripley and a Twist of Fate to Flair. She goes for her moonsault, but Rhea pushes her to the apron and Flair boots her off.

Lita is eliminated.

Rhea has Ronda in an electric chair, but Rousey transitions into an arm triangle against the ropes. Flair flips them both onto the apron and boots Rhea to the floor.

Rhea Ripley is eliminated.

Bianca saves Ronda from a Flair big boot by booting Charlotte. She nearly eliminates Flair but Baszler attacks with a Kirafuda clutch. Baszler and Bianca mix it up, throwing back to their NXT days. Bianca counters and tries to hit a KOD to the outside, but Charlotte Flair flips them both over the top.

Shayna Baszler & Bianca Belair are eliminated.

Rousey. Flair. The final 2. Flair goes for a big boot, Ronda ducks and simply suplexes Flair over the top rope to win.

Charlotte Flair is eliminated.

Flair is pissed on the outside, Ronda trash talks her from the ring. Rousey gets to do her favourite thing and point at the Wrestlemania sign. She barely looks or interacts with the crowd. Ronda points at the sign, then walks to the back.

Analysis

My rating; *3/4

This was rough. Overall, this is an incredibly boring Royal Rumble that relied far too heavily on nostaglia in the hopes it would hide how half-baked and eventless the match was. Out of the 30 entrants, 12 of them were not active members of the roster. None of them were from NXT. 7 of them are synonymous with the Divas era of WWE, which was an incredibly awful time to be a female wrestler. I don’t really understand the benefit of bringing in these names that remind us how bad women’s wrestling used to be. We should not be celebrating this part of wrestling. I know women like Michelle McCool tried to make it as good as they could, but who the hell wants to see Summer Rae wrestle in 2022? No one.

11 of the entrants lasted less than 3 minutes in the ring. What is the point? You bring in a name for recognition and then you throw them out with little rhyme or reason. Sasha Banks, Naomi and Shayna Baszler got barely anytime in the ring whilst McCool got 20 minutes, Tamina got 16 minutes, Aliyah got 22 fucking minutes. Natalya, who hasn’t had any heat for YEARS got 36 minutes. Liv Morgan, Bianca Belair and Rhea Ripley are the only newer faces that Vince seemed comfortable to get a lot of time but even then they didn’t really do that much. Liv Morgan got zero eliminations. Rhea Ripley interacted with Ivory and Nikki ASH. Bianca Belair felt no where near as special as she did last year.

Anytime anyone who was over with the fans entered, their momentum was killed immediately and they were beaten down. It felt like a big scheme just to piss off and disappoint the fans at every turn.

The recurring issues of Vince’s final years as WWE booker. Reliance on legends, refusal to push stars, ignoring the fan favourites, rewarding a recognisable name that no one wants to see win.

Oh, and Jimmy Smith’s commentary is terrible. He has no clue what he is doing out there.

Becky Lynch (c) vs Doudrop, Raw Women’s Championship

After the ads we cut straight into Doudrop’s music. Commentary recap the past couple of weeks and Doudrop dominating Becky with her overwhelming power. Corey Graves does a solid job comparing the journey’s of Becky and Doudrop, with very different levels of success. Out comes Becky Lynch and we have to see her horrifying ‘Big Time Becks’ ARG I mentioned earlier. Lynch is the heel here, but she is over unlike Doudrop so she is the only one getting crowd reactions.

The match starts and Doudrop overpowers Becky each time they lock up.

The crowd is DEAD. Not only does this match have no heat, but it takes place directly after a Royal Rumble. The silence is deafening.

Becky Lynch takes a breather and tries to trick Doudrop but the powerhouse is able to throw her around. Doudrop goes for the Vader bomb but Becky rolls out again. Becky drags her out of the ring, but she is kicked into the barricade. Back in the ring, Becky hits a running shoulder tackle but Doudrop fires back with one of her own. Jimmy again talks over Corey Graves trying to do commentary. Doudrop hits a senton and Becky takes another breather.

Wrestling in Silence

Doudrop tries a cannonball on Becky, but the champion dodges and the challenger collides with the steel steps. A pretty stiff looking bump there. Becky Lynch is in control and wears Doudrop down with a chin lock.

Ah, a lovely rest hold. If this match couldn’t get even less exciting. The fans are chanting and reacting to something else in the crowd at this point. They don’t care.

Becky Lynch has a sleeper hold spot on for a solid minute. Commentary have even ran out of things to say, because nothing is happening! Doudrop finally powers out and sends Becky into the corner. She charges into the corner as Becky moves out of the way. Becky hits a diving dropkick for a 1 count. Again, no reaction. Becky tries trash talking to the crowd and Doudrop to get some crowd noise but it barely works.

Becky slaps Doudrop around, the challenger fires back with a suplex and a series of chops. We get another case of Corey Graves getting hot because he is being talked over on commentary, this time by Byron. This commentary team is a mess. Doudrop hits a senton for a 2. Becky dodges a splash and locks in the Disarmer. She transitions into a cross armbreaker but Doudrop counters with a powerbomb for a 2. This is the first time the crowd reacts to a move. It is a quiet reaction, but at least someone reacted.

The Finish

Doudrop hits a cannonball on Becky for a near fall. Lynch counters the Vader Bomb and hits a Molly-Go-Round for a near fall. Becky is pissed and unloads on Doudrop, but the Scotswoman counters a diving leg drop and lands a series of headbutts. Becky eventually hits the diving leg drop on Doudrop for another 2 count.

Doudrop counters the Manhandle Slam with a gutbuster driver for a 2. Lynch intercepts Doudrop on the top rope, hitting a Super Manhandle Slam to retain.

Analysis

My rating; *1/2

That might be the longest 12 minute match I have ever watched. I cannot fault the in-ring work that we got, it was all executed well and there was no botches, but these two do not have any chemistry together. Piper Niven and Becky Lynch were unable to pull out anything exciting in this match, which made it even harder for anyone to care.

There is a few factors at play causing this to flop. First of all, Doudrop is one of the worst gimmicks I remember in recent memory. Another lewd Vince McMahon joke that damaged a woman’s credibility. Even without the crap gimmick, Piper had no heat and was not over at all. She doesn’t really have any business in the world title picture, she was propelled up out of nowhere since Becky was short on new challengers. They did not build Doudrop as a feasible contender.

On top of that, Becky Lynch’s heel run at this time was not going as well as people expected. It wasn’t bad, she had great matches and her promos were good but it was not exactly what we expected when ‘The Man’ came back to WWE. She was still over, but her heat was cooling off and being paired with Doudrop accelerated that process. Things would pick back up as she feuds with Bianca Belair again towards Wrestlemania.

This was a slow, dull match stuck in a difficult position on the card.

Brock Lesnar (c) vs Bobby Lashley, WWE Championship

2 decades in the making. A collision with consequences. The hype for this one is incredibly high, so expectations are high too. Jimmy Smith claims he has seen Bobby Lashley shatter people’s legs in Bellator with one takedown. I know he didn’t mean it literally, but it just sounded funny.

Paul Heyman introduces his client as the Bobby-bashing beast, the mauler of the Almighty.

Who knew that this would end up being the last time Paul Heyman would do his signature introduction for his client Brock Lesnar.

A WisE(man) choice

The Beast and The Almighty stand face to face. Lashley is so physically imposing but his eyes look ready to cry at all times. They lock up but it goes to a stalemate. The second time though, Brock manages to land a German Suplex on Lashley. Lesnar is full of smiles. Lashley returns the favour with a German Suplex of his own. Lesnar hits a pair of German Suplexes both Lashley gets up immediately. Lashley throws punches, Lesnar goes for the F-5 but Lashley hits a spear. Lashley hits a second spear and Lesnar rolls to the outside.

Bobby Lashley rolls out and charges at Brock. Lesnar dodges and Lashley destroys the barricade. Lashley is back up, throwing Brock into the ring post. Brock counters a shoulder tackle in the ring and lands a series of German Suplexes. He hits 5 in a row before going for the F-5, but Lashley counters into the Hurt Lock. Lesnar struggles to escape and manages to ram Lashley in the corner but the referee was in the way. Brock has Lashley up for the F-5 but mid-swing he knocks out the dazed referee and the pin cannot be counted.

Brock Lesnar is talking to Paul Heyman, before turning around into a spear by Roman Reigns! Roman stares down Paul Heyman and asks for the WWE championship. Heyman obliges, giving Roman Brock’s title to bash over his head. Roman laughs as he leaves. A new referee rushes out as Bobby pins Brock Lesnar to win the WWE Championship.

Analysis

My rating; **1/2

I think this match was perfectly fine, if anything disappointing. Everyone hoped this would be a blitz of offence between these two big boys, akin to Lesnar vs Goldberg at Wrestlemania 33. However, this was a bit slower and more methodical. I don’t think this was bad at all though. The story was they were evenly matched.

The big moment of course is the betrayal of Paul Heyman, who once again sides with his Tribal Chief and cost his long-term client Brock Lesnar the match. The moment was pretty awesome and got a loud reaction from the crowd. Sure Bobby’s victory did not make him look like a strong winner, but not many people look strong against Brock Lesnar. This was less about Lashley vs Lesnar and more about Lesnar and Heyman. That doesn’t translate to a good match, but it doesn’t make it bad either.

The first 5 minutes of this match was pretty exciting, before it plateaued and ended in dramatic fashion.

Edge & Beth Phoenix vs Miz & Maryse

The video package for this rivalry is wrestling at its very silliest. This is being billed as “The It Couple vs The Grit Couple” which is a tad cringe. Miz & Mrs enter first and of course, Maryse looks fantastic.

I had a huge crush on Maryse when I was getting into wrestling as a young lad, I think that she only looks better with age.

Out comes Edge & Beth wearing cool matching outfits and getting awesome pyro. Corey Graves gets lost in his own words and accidentally says that “Maryse is married to The Edge”.

The bell rings and Maryse immediately tries to escape. Miz pulls Maryse to safety, landing on top of him in a moment that I think was supposed to be funny or humiliating but no one picked up on it. Miz tags in and wrestles Edge. Maryse grabs a handful of hair, allowing Miz to take control. The Miz slowly beats down Edge whilst mocking Beth Phoenix. Miz runs through his familiar offence. The It Kicks, the neckbreaker and such. Maryse slaps Edge and Beth threatens to use a chair on her. Edge catches Miz with an Impaler DDT.

Chivalry Ain’t Dead

Maryse tries to stop the tag but Phoenix gets the tag and wails on Maryse. Phoenix hits a spinning side slam, but Miz breaks up the pin. Beth steps to Miz, he doesn’t take the challenge seriously but she lays in the fists on him. Maryse hits Phoenix with her loaded purse but Beth kicks out. Another kick out by Beth. Maryse beats down on Beth but she breaks a nail! Poor lass.

Maryse locks in a Camel Clutch, Phoenix manages to power out and we get a double clothesline spot. The men tag their wives, Edge runs wild on Miz. Beth lifts Miz up with a powerbomb, Edge hits a diving elbow drop but The Miz kicks out. Maryse pulls Phoenix off the apron and into the steel steps. Edge sets up Miz for a spear, a distraction by Maryse delays Edge and sends him into turnbuckle. Maryse drops Edge with a top rope hurricanrana!

Easily the spot of the night, very impressive.

The Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale but Edge kicks out. Miz & Maryse go for a double SCF but Beth Phoenix spears Maryse. Beth & Edge double spear Miz. Miz does a great sell here, balancing upright on his neck. Beth hoists up Maryse, Edge hoists up Miz for stereo Glam Slam’s for the win.

Analysis

My rating; **1/4

This was another okay match but it was weaker than the WWE championship match. Maryse did not do much but she actually did a bit more than I expected her to. Maryse is hot and a great heel but she was never a stand-out wrestler, she was a model. Her wrestling was awkward and janky at times, but for someone who hasn’t wrestled in 4 years and only 4 times in 12 years, she did alright. This was one of her best wrestling performances. She was in there with good company.

Because they had to play it safe, the match was simple and slow paced which harms the match quality but they did the best they could to tell an engaging story. Miz & Maryse are great heels so they got heat, whilst the crowd love Edge & Beth so they got heat easy too.

That being said, the match felt long and it was only 12 minutes. This felt like a filler feud for Edge who has been directionless since his rivalry with Seth Rollins ended in October. This was a TV match at best, not really a PPV quality match.

Men’s Royal Rumble

Thankfully, we are back to Michael Cole and Pat McAfee. This isn’t even good Michael Cole, but it is more tolerable than listening to Jimmy Smith. After Samantha Irvin runs through the rules again, the first entrant of the match is revealed to be AJ Styles. Styles gets a loud pop. He debuted in this match 6 years prior when Roman Reigns was defending his WWE Championship.

Entrant number 2 is the Intercontinental championship, Shinsuke Nakamura who also gets a loud reaction. It is nice to hear the fans singing his music.

A smart choice for 1 and 2. Nakamura and Styles have plenty of history together, although their 2018 feud was slightly underwhelming overall. This is an exciting way to start to Rumble match.

Side note, I miss Samantha Irvin. She was only in WWE for a few years, but she might go down as one of the greatest ring announcers they ever had. So much power and emotion in her voice. Incredible.

1-5

The match starts with a fun back and forth between these 2 seasoned veterans. They trade strikes and counters, AJ comes out on top as number 3 enters the match, Austin Theory. This is during a time when Theory is the new pet project of Vince McMahon, both on and off screen. Theory attacks both men and we have already started standing in corners, punching and grappling.

Entrant number 4 is Robert Roode, who Pat McAfee keeps annoyingly calling ‘Bob Roode’. Roode and Styles come face to face as the crowd chant TNA.

A fun little call back between these 2.

Styles manages to throw Roode over the top and to the floor.

Robert Roode is eliminated.

A quick, meaningless elimination. Sure he wasn’t going to win, but he did nothing and contributed nothing.

Theory tries to eliminate Nakamura as number 5 makes his entrance, Ridge Holland. He is wearing a face protector after Ricochet broke his nose.

This is one of the 5 unannounced names for the Rumble. Ridge fucking Holland. Exciting.

Holland suplexes Theory around whilst AJ kicks Nakamura off the apron.

Shinsuke Nakamura is eliminated.

The elimination wasn’t even the main focus on screen.

6-10

Ridge throws Styles & Theory around. The crowd has already fell into silence. Here comes entrant 6, one half of the Street Profits, Montez Ford. Ford injects some excitement with a flamboyant dropkick to Theory, before being beaten down by Ridge Holland. Momentum killed immediately.

United States Champion Damian Priest enters at number 7. Again, he lands a couple of moves before he is attacked, grappling in the corner.

No one is getting any time to hit any fun moves or build any momentum. Within seconds entrants are being beaten down and pushed into a corner.

Sami Zayn is entrant number 8 and he is happy to stay in the corner away from everyone, but Ford goes after him. The punching and grappling continues. Number 9 is Jackass star Johnny Knoxville. He comes out dressed as a superhero and accompanied by a couple of the other Jackass stars. He rushes the ring and takes down Sami Zayn. The crowd are hot for this. He drops an elbow on Sami before challenging Styles to a fight. AJ drops him with a signature combination, then Montez Ford flattens Knoxville with a huge frog splash.

Holland puts Knoxville on the apron and Sami Zayn Helluva Kicks him over the top. As he trash talks Johnny, AJ Styles tips Sami over the top rope too.

Johnny Knoxville & Sami Zayn are eliminated.

Whilst I usually don’t let when two rivals or two tag partners come out one after the other, because what are the odds that happens as frequently as it does, I am glad we finally got something fun to watch. Knoxville and Zayn created a fun highlight moment that continues their feud towards Wrestlemania. It is the first time in this match the crowd have properly reacted to action in the ring.

Entering at number 10 is the other half of the Street Profits, Angelo Dawkins. Michael Cole questions if this is good news or bad news for Montez Ford.

I always hate this recycled dialogue. How is it bad news? They are a face tag team so surely they are going to work together to try and be the final 2 and then go head to head. It is this stupid take WWE try to push every year which makes no sense.

11-15

Dawkins doesn’t do anything notable. Punching, stomping and grappling continues. Here comes number 11, the Nigerian giant Omos. AJ Styles’ former ally.

WHO IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO ELIMINATE OMOS? Another one of WWE’s overused, annoying commentary calls. How many giants have won the Royal Rumble? 1 if you count Yokozuna as a giant. though he was wider than he was tall. 2 if you include Braun Strowman winning the Greatest Royal Rumble in 2018. Does The Undertaker count? My point is, giants rarely win the Royal Rumble SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ELIMINATE THEM.

Omos dominates everyone in his path. He throws Angelo Dawkins over the top rope, then catches Montez Ford mid-dive and pushes him over the top too.

Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford are eliminated.

Montez Ford could have had a nice run in this Rumble, but of course why should we be allowed to have any fun?

Omos launches AJ Styles under the ropes into the ring post. Entrant number 12 is Ricochet and he gets a nice pop. He comes in with a springboard dropkick to Omos. He runs at him again but Omos launches him in the air. Omos continues to dominate. He chops THE PISS out of Ricochet. “He tried to stop Ricochet’s heart with one hand” is a good line by Pat. Arriving at number 13 is Chad Gable, one half of Alpha Academy.

Chad Gable rallies the rest of the competitors and tries to lead a gameplan against Omos. Damian Priest goes 1v1 with Omos but he comes up short. Everyone just stands by and watches as Omos eliminates Damian Priest, before rushing in to try and eliminate Omos.

Damian Priest is eliminated.

Smart heel work by Chad Gable, although this made the reigning US champion look like an absolute punk.

Entrant 14 is Dominik Mysterio who joins the pile-on against Omos. Styles hits a leaping forearm and finally knocks Omos over the top.

Omos is eliminated.

All of that and it wasn’t even that good of an elimination spot.

The rest of the competitors return to punching, kicking and grappling. Coming in at number 15, we have Happy Corbin, one of the worst versions of Baron Corbin. He drops Theory with a chokeslam. Ricochet does an awesome backflip off his chest, but he is pushed over the top when he goes for a springboard.

Ricochet is eliminated.

Another exciting fan favourite eliminated from the Rumble far too early, without having any impact on the match or doing anything noteworthy. It is also worth mentioning that we are half way through the Royal Rumble and how many of these men are serious contenders the win the match? AJ Styles is one, Austin Theory possibly since Vince is quite hot on him at this time but that is really it. No one else is within a shot. It has mostly been filler entries.

16-20

Entrant 16 is Dolph Ziggler in his 15th Royal Rumble, which is the second highest of all time behind Kane. He joins the group for more, you guessed it, striking and grappling. Baron Corbin throws out Dominik Mysterio. AJ Styles enziguiri’s Austin Theory of the apron.

Dominik Mysterio and Austin Theory are eliminated.

Sheamus is entrant 17, he gets a small pop. Before he can even enter, his ally Ridge Holland is eliminated right in front of him by AJ Styles.

Ridge Holland is eliminated.

Sheamus gets in and immediately targets AJ Styles. He does some nice offence with AJ and Gable before hitting Styles with the 10 beats of the Bodhran. Rick Boogs is number 18 “I didn’t even know this was his song!” Pat says excitedly.

That isn’t a very good thing.

Boogs mixes it up with Chad Gable, he presses him with one hand and over the top.

Chad Gable is eliminated.

I cannot tell if the crowd was booing or chanting “Boogs” but it didn’t sound like chanting to me.

Rick Boogs stands around and poses like a goof. I never really liked him all that much. Out comes number 19 who is Happy Corbin’s ally, Madcap Moss. Moss might win an award for worst dressed wrestler with his chino shorts, suspenders and tan shoes. Corbin and Moss work together to dominate the Rumble. Corbin chokeslams Styles, Moss throws him out of the ring. The fans boo heavily as Moss screams like a moron, but I don’t think it is the booing they want.

AJ Styles is eliminated.

So now we have zero potential winners in the Royal Rumble right now. I guess at this point Sheamus is the most likely to win? How can you expect anyone to maintain interest when there is no one OF INTEREST?

Number 20 comes in and it is Riddle. He gets a good pop. A fan favourite for sure, but I am unsure how much of a potential winner he is. Riddle literally hits one German Suplex before he is beaten down by Corbin & Moss. Moss throws Boogs over the top, Corbin boots him to the floor. More boos from the crowd.

Rick Boogs is eliminated.

I don’t like him, but I cannot deny that at least some fans liked him. Another fan favourite dumped out in this miserable match.

21-25

Here comes number 21, Drew McIntyre! He is making his return from a neck injury that was caused by Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss a month ago.

An actual good surprise, he get’s a loud pop and is immediately the new favourite to win the Rumble match.

Moss & Corbin double team Drew, but McIntyre throws them both over and out. Drew slides out of the ring and continues to beat up Moss & Corbin some more, using the steel steps on them.

Baron Corbin & Madcap Moss are eliminated.

We have had to wait a long time but we finally got something worth watching again. The return of Drew kicking their ass is the second good thing to happen in this match since Knoxville vs Zayn.

Entering at 22 is Kevin Owens. McIntyre and Owens brawl on the ramp and get into the ring. McIntyre runs into a pop-up powerbomb. Owens brings an exciting intensity that the match has been missing. He stamps on Riddle’s bare feet. McIntyre and Sheamus run it back and trade blows which commentary do not even acknowledge. Rey Mysterio enters at number 23. He ranas Owens into a cannonball towards Ziggler which was cool. He nearly eliminates Riddle but he runs into a stunner from Kevin Owens.

Entrant 24 is Kofi Kingston. Commentary really put over the amazing ways that Kofi has managed to avoid elimination in Rumble matches in the past. Owens pushes him off the top rope towards the barricade, Kofi tries to save himself but unfortunately both his feet hit the floor as he does. Kofi is just left there hanging, sad and embarrassed.

Kofi Kingston is eliminated.

Yikes. That was heartbreaking to watch. It would happen again a year later when he would botch his elimination save and he would take advice from the internet wrestling fans and retire the Rumble spot. He had a great run of doing some fun, creative things. This was inevitably going to happen. It still sucks though, and it makes sense that the botch would happen in this match.

Number 25 is the other half of Alpha Academy, Otis, looking like a mole with his freshly shaved face. he should always keep the beard. He joins the stomping and grappling that everyone is already doing.

26-30

Entrant 26 is a former WWE champion, Big E. He comes in with suplexes for anyone in his way. He gyrates his hips before a splash on Owens. Big E sets up the Big Ending but Sheamus drops him with a Brogue Kick. Momentum killed.

Finally, another strong contender for the match is here. Kevin Owens could be too I guess, but I think it was already heavily rumoured that he would be working with Steve Austin at Wrestlemania. Drew McIntyre and Big E are the favourites to win, both great choices.

Number 27 is another surprise entrant, popular recording artist Bad Bunny. He takes out Sheamus with a diving crossbody and then Owens with a headscissors. Riddle fist bumps Bunny, but Bad Bunny drops him with a Bunny Destroyer to a huge pop. Sheamus tries to eliminate him, but Bunny dips the rope and Sheamus tumbles out of the ring.

Sheamus is eliminated.

I cannot deny the natural talent Bad Bunny has in the ring. I don’t mind celebrities taking spots in the Rumble if the provide something worthwhile. Both Bunny and Knoxville have provided one of the more exciting moments in the match.

Bad Bunny gets chants from the crowd. Bunny trips Ziggler up to set up the 619. Bunny throws Ziggler towards him so that Rey can send him to the floor.

Dolph Ziggler is eliminated.

Rey and Bunny shake hands but the musician tries to pull a fast one and eliminate him. Owens drops Bunny with a stunner as number 28 arrives, it is Shane McMahon. The fans mostly cheer except for this one guy on camera who is mirroring my reaction. It reads ‘For fuck sake’.

It makes sense that the entrance of Shane McMahon distracts the camera and the crowd from Otis barging Rey Mysterio off the apron.

Rey Mysterio is eliminated.

You’re going to have one of your most lovable legends eliminated off camera whilst Sweat O’Mac music plays? Terrible production of both the match and the show.

Here comes the sweatiest man of all time. Pat McAfee tries to put over how good he looks, even though the man is basting with sweat just running down the ramp. Shane rushes the ring and beats up Kevin Owens with his ridiculous looking jabs. McMahon takes out Riddle, a former UFC fighter, with his shitty ass punches. Pat claims “you still got it” chants are raining down which just isn’t the case. Owens kicks Shane and tries to throw him out, but Shane reverses and throws Owens instead. The fans did NOT like that.

Kevin Owens is eliminated.

I understand that Shane and Kevin have history, but I don’t think a single person alive wanted to see Shane eliminate Kevin, other than Shane himself. One less feasible winner of the match is left. At this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if Shane is a contender to win the match.

Shane peppers Drew with his scrappy-doo punches. Here comes entrant number 29, Randy Orton, coming out in his hometown. It is clear what WWE has done. They have intentionally put there top stars in the final third, hoping that we will forget about the empty nothingness that was the first two thirds. Orton drops Big E with an RKO, he and Riddle throw him out.

Big E is eliminated.

Fucking hell really? The crowd were mixed about that because they’re cheering their hero Orton, but he just threw out Big E who probably deserved to win this match more than anyone out there. Now we are left with Drew McIntyre and Randy Orton as potential winners in the match currently. Miserable booking.

RKO to Otis, Riddle jumps off Otis’ back to hit an RKO on McIntyre. That was admittedly cool. RK-Bro throw Otis out of the ring.

Otis is eliminated.

We count down to the final spot of the 2022 Royal Rumble. Number 30 is Brock Lesnar.

Fuck. Off. One of the biggest things I hate about a Royal Rumble is when a champion who loses on the show, ends up as a participant in the Royal Rumble. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. The Royal Rumble, as I understand it, features 30 pre-determined competitors who are wanting to compete for a shot at the world title at Wrestlemania. Now, if Brock were to attack someone and steal their spot, that would still suck but it would make sense. Nia Jax did it to R-Truth and it was fine. Becky Lynch replaced an injured Lana and won the 2019 Royal Rumble and that was awesome.

Brock Lesnar being an official entrant, even though he was in a world championship match earlier in the show, not only makes little sense but it is just blatant lazy booking. This happened in 2017 too when Roman Reigns entered at number 30 although he was in a world title match. Lazy, insulting, shitty booking.

The fans reacted loudly at first, but they are booing because they know what is about to happen. Lesnar attacks everyone in his path. Lesnar clotheslines Orton over the top, which REALLY pisses off the crowd.

Randy Orton is eliminated.

F-5 by Lesnar to Bad Bunny. “Bunnies can fly” is such a terrible call by Michael Cole. Lesnar throws Bunny over and out.

Bad Bunny is eliminated.

Final FOur

Our final four which is not even referenced because Lesnar is clearing them all out so quickly is Brock Lesnar, Riddle, Drew McIntyre and Shane McMahon. Lesnar launches Riddle over and out. He tries to clothesline Shane but McMahon sandbags him and doesn’t go over. Lesnar kicks him and hits him with a stiff clothesline over and out.

Riddle and Shane McMahon are eliminated.

Screw Shane McMahon. More on that later on.

We are left with Brock Lesnar and Drew McIntyre. The fans cheer and chant for Drew to be the hero they need. McIntyre tells him that there are more people this time but the result will be the same. They trade punches. McIntyre escapes the F-5, Lesnar dodges the Claymore and F-5’s McIntyre out of the ring.

Drew McIntyre is eliminated.

Brock Lesnar wins the Royal Rumble, entering last, eliminating 5 men in 2 and a half minutes. Brock Lesnar stands there smiling and trying to look pleased when he is stood in the centre of an incredibly pissed off St. Louis crowd. Also, he does the sign point and they don’t give him any pyro.

analysis

My rating; *

No question, one of the very worst Royal Rumble matches of all time. Hell, it might be the worst. The first 4 Royal Rumble matches aren’t great but they are forgiven since the match quality standard was a lot lower in the 80s. In 2022, WWE should know better not to put on a match this dull, this lifeless and this poorly booked. We have a lot of the same issues as the women’s rumble here. Killing the momentum of anyone who enters the match, eliminating fan favourites and not letting them shine. Ricochet, Robert Roode and Big E being eliminated criminally quick whilst Ridge Holland lasted for nearly 20 minutes.

There is literally 3 good moments in this entire hour-long match. Knoxville vs Zayn, Drew McIntyre returns and Bad Bunny does a destroyer. That is it. Old man Shane enters and hogs the spotlight, Brock Lesnar comes in and ruins the match, Kofi botches his Rumble save spot, Omos is eliminated in generic fashion. The rest of the time is what I said it was. Punching, standing, kicking, stomping and grappling.

The match lacked surprises, star power and excitement. Shane McMahon and Bad Bunny should not be in the final five. Brock shouldn’t have won. He didn’t need it. There is 100 other ways to set up Lesnar vs Reigns without doing this.

Terrible booking, terrible producing, terribly boring.

Aftermath

Farewell Son

The 2022 Royal Rumble received mostly negative reviews, with the Men’s Rumble being absolutely panned by critics and fans. It later came out that Shane McMahon was the lead producer for the match, which explains why he had such a featured role at the end with legitimate athletes. McMahon must have been huffing his own farts too much in his absence, forgetting that he was one of the worst things about WWE towards the end of the 2010s and got a lot of go-away heat from the fans. Although he got initial cheers on entry, if he went out there and put himself over then he was going to get go-away back immediately.

Rumours have circulated that Shane had a lot of backstage heat too with management and wrestlers alike. Reports say that Shane specifically wanted a spot late in the Rumble that would highlight him. When his music accidentally played for 28 instead of his chosen spot of 29, allegedly he was incredibly unprofessional about it, refusing to go out initially until he relented and went out there. Allegedly, Shane did not like that his dad shot down a lot of his plans and he talked down to people backstage.

Shane apparently also clashed with Brock Lesnar backstage, arguing over spots in the match and Brock eventually deciding to do whatever he wants. That probably explains why the finish was so rushed. No one knew what was happening between Shane’s plans, Brock’s plans and Vince’s plans. Bad Bunny’s plans were also changed a lot on the fly, out of fear of a negative reaction if he came out of the match worse off.

This match was received so badly that Vince McMahon fired his own son from WWE. Apparently it was the final straw. People backstage have been frustrated with Shane’s attitude, his self-centred demeanour and his laughable creative plans. Shane never had a good mind for the wrestling business.

Road To Wrestlemania

Brock Lesnar would choose Roman Reigns as his Wrestlemania opponent, but also wanted a rematch for Bobby Lashley’s WWE championship. Lesnar won the Elimination Chamber match to win the WWE title, going on to face Reigns in a blockbuster title unification main event at Wrestlemania 38. Roman Reigns would walk out as the Undisputed WWE Universal Champion, dominating WWE for 2 more years before Cody Rhodes finished his story.

Ronda Rousey would choose Charlotte Flair for her Wrestlemania opponent, but the ‘Rowdy’ one was unsuccessful in her challenge. Ronda would defeat Flair in an ‘I Quit’ rematch at Wrestlemania Backlash to win her second women’s championship in WWE. Becky Lynch would hold her championship up until Wrestlemania, where she was defeated by rival Bianca Belair in a banger that cemented Belair as one of the top women in the company.

Seth Rollins would go into Wrestlemania without an announced opponent but Vince McMahon would have a special surprise lined up for him. At the event, Cody Rhodes made his grand return to WWE and defeated Rollins in one of the matches of the weekend. Their rivalry would have a trio of amazing PPV matches, including one of the best Hell in a Cell matches in recent memory.

Edge would feud with AJ Styles towards Wrestlemania 38, whilst The Miz would team up with controversial social media star Logan Paul to defeat Los Mysterios.

Final Words

The 2022 Royal Rumble is a bad show. Mostly out of disappointment. The Royal Rumble is arguably the most fun match WWE has to offer and usually is always the most enjoyable night of the year. Even a bad Royal Rumble can be a fun match to watch. However, not only was the 2022 Rumble matches bad, they were painfully boring too. Not only did they waste our time and money, but they did it in the most miserable way possibly.

The rest of the card is mediocre except for the fantastic opener between Rollins and Reigns. The former Shield brothers wrestled a great match and told a great story, setting a bar that everyone else were lightyears away from reaching. The weaker matches could be forgiven if the Rumbles were good, but that wasn’t the case.

I’m going slide this show between Heroes of Wrestling and NXT Season 1. I can give NXT a bit more leeway since it is technically a show for their developmental talent. This event is an embarrassing black mark in WWE’s PPV history and a reminder that things are indeed better under the new Triple H regime.

Here is a link to the Men’s Rumble if you enjoy waterboarding yourself.

Worst of Wrestling Leaderboard

1. Heroes of Wrestling
2. 2022 Royal Rumble
3. NXT Season 1

Let me know if there are any other terrible wrestling shows you think could be a contender for worst of all time. I have a massive list already but I am always willing to add more. For now, it is time to spin the Wheel of Woe.

Wheel of Woe

We are moving away from WWE and exploring the sadistic hardcore scene that Combat Zone Wrestling has been a firm fixture of. CZW rose to fame with their violent wrestling and one of their signature matches was the Cage of Death. COD XXI was the last COD show they ran for 5 years, temporarily retiring the match and I think this show played a part in that decision. I have never watched any CZW. I enjoy some hardcore wrestling, but I am not massively into gore so we will see how this goes down next month.