Precisely no one asked for this, but we see the same fantasy booking stories circled over and over again online. The Invasion, The Nexus, Summer of Punk, John Cena heel turn etc. Today, I thought we could have a little fun looking at a poorly told love story from the late 2010s.
At the 2017 Money in the Bank, we saw the return of Maria Kanellis alongside the debuting Mike Kanellis, declaring they would show WWE the true power of love. Mike Kanellis lost a short feud with Sami Zayn before being taken off screen for rehab. Then, Maria got pregnant so we didn’t see them on screen for even longer. After sporadic appearances in 2018, Mike Kanellis performed in the cruiserweight division on 205 Live for a bit.
The couple started appearing on Raw again in 2019. Maria announced her pregnancy, but berated Mike for not being the father and an incompetent man. Yeah, 2019 was a rough year for WWE. Mike Kanellis won the 24/7 championship. He would lose it to his wife Maria who demanded he lie down and let her pin him. Whilst Maria was on a bed awaiting a gynaecologist, Mike would hug her and keep her shoulders down for a referee count, winning the title back. He would be pinned immediately after by R-Truth. In April of 2020, the Kanellis’ were released during a wave of roster cuts due to Covid-19.
I never expected them to have major success in WWE, but I think there was potential with this story for a fun run in the WWE midcard scene. Plus, their entrance music was actually fire.
Sit down your significant other, your FWB or your right hand and enjoy how I would book Mike & Maria Kanellis in WWE.
Worth mentioning that for this fantasy booking, we are going to ignore the real life incidents that took the couple off screen, otherwise none of this can work.
Rubbing It IN
Mike and Maria appear at Money in the Bank. They talk about how powerful their love is and how it can help them accomplish great things. Importantly, Mike Kanellis doesn’t speak, it is Maria who does all the talking. JBL on commentary notes that Mike has taken Maria’s last name, which is unorthodox in western marriages.
After MITB, the Kanellis’ come out each week on Smackdown to brag about their love. Maria tells anecdotes about their relationship. Some of these stories will make Mike look foolish, for instance she talks about how Mike once bought her a bouquet of lilies which are incredibly toxic for her dogs, so she had to throw them out. She claims he has a tendency to be an idiot sometimes. Mike tries to speak her but she talks over him and says that his goofiness is just one of many reasons that she loves him.
After a few weeks of this, Sami Zayn speaks for everyone when he says they are sick of listening to her ramble on about their marriage. Maria is pissed and demands Mike defend her honour. Mike runs at Sami but is dropped by a Helluva Kick immediately. Maria speaks to Shane McMahon and gets a match for Mike against Zayn at Battleground, which will be his debut match. Sami Zayn is a great opponent for anybody. Sami Zayn tells us that he and Mike have met in the ring twice before and they have pinned each other once so this is a nice way to determine the better man. He remembers Mike was a lot more pleasant to be around without Maria.
Battleground 2017
Mike Kanellis vs Sami Zayn is a display of how good Mike can be in the ring. Sami hits the exploder in the corner and sets up the Helluva Kick. Mike struggles to his feet and calls to the referee for medical assistance. With the referee distracted, we see Maria Kanellis applying lipstick at ringside. She gets on the apron where Zayn is, grabs him and gives him a big ol’ kiss on the cheek. Sami pulls away, wipes his face and then winces in pain. He clutches at his face and is keeled over in agony, Mike is faking his injury. Kanellis hits his finisher The Power of Love (a Samoan Driver) and pins Sami Zayn, winning his debut match.
Commentary put over the kiss, suggesting that Maria must be using some sort of chemical laced lipstick on Sami Zayn. They call it the Kiss of Death.
Essentially, it is the same as the green mist but in the form of a kiss. Is it a bit silly and ridiculous? Yes, of course it is. Wrestling is silly and ridiculous.
The “Love” Movement
Maria continues to shove their relationship in the faces of the fans, but now they start interrupting wrestlers and mocking them too. They interrupt popular babyfaces like Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston and Tye Dillinger to mock their relationships/marriages. These personal insults lead to singles matches on Smackdown. Mike defeats Zack and Tye but he loses to Kofi. After the loss to Kofi, Maria berates Mike, slaps him and walks away.
The next week, Mike Kanellis gets to speak properly for the first time in a promo where he apologises profusely to Maria for disappointing her and he has a plethora of gifts for reconciliation. Chocolates, flowers and a hand-written poem. Maria accepts his apology and they kiss in the ring. Maria goes to deliver another love sermon but she is interrupted by Smackdown General Manager, Daniel Bryan.
Daniel Bryan asks them both to leave because he has a show to run. Maria is insulted and she has a crash out moment. She mocks Bryan for having to abandon his wrestling dreams to become what he has fought against for so long, an authority figure. She continues to roast him, saying the Yes Movement is dead and it is now time for the Love movement.
Disrespect
Maria takes it too far by bringing Bryan’s wife Brie Bella into it, alludes to Brie and her sister Nikki blocking her from returning to WWE (which was a real rumour) and says that she will be happy if Brie can never wrestle again. Bryan is already pissed, but Maria then mentions Bryan’s daughter Birdie which sends him over the edge. He gets in Mike’s face and threatens to suspend them unless they go home right now. Maria sarcastically says “what are you going to do Daniel? Oh that’s right, nothing, because you are not medically cleared to wrestle anymore. One strike from my husband could put you in a wheelchair for the rest of your life.” The Kanellis’ leave the ring full of smiles as security escort them away.
Hopefully having such an intense confrontation with the lovable Daniel Bryan will get a lot of heat on the Kanellis’ going forward, allowing them to be booked more prominently.
The Face of Love
Mike Kanellis defeats Mojo Rawley on Smackdown. During his match he is told by Maria to use certain moves. The running dropkicks in the corner, the Busaiku knee and of course, the “Yes!” lock. Kanellis is using Bryan’s moves to taunt him.
The Kanellis’ continue their tirade of interrupting people and they make a bold choice to interrupt 16-time world champion, John Cena. Maria calls Cena’s proposal to Nikki Bella at Wrestlemania 33 a publicity stunt. Maria brags about how romantic Mike’s proposal was. He didn’t need to it in front of 60 thousand people to stroke his own ego.
John fires shots back. He questions why Mike took Maria’s surname and if he lets her carry his balls in her purse. Cena makes jokes about their sex life being dry and how Maria used to “get around” during her first run in WWE. Even he locked lips with Maria at one point. He also defends Brie Bella, saying that she never blocked Maria from coming here, she simply wasn’t welcome. Maria shouts “don’t just stand there, defend my honour!” to Mike, who tries to attack Cena but he is dropped with an AA.
Love & Coercion
The next week, John Cena calls Mike a cuck who has no opinions or thoughts of his own. He is Maria’s lap dog. Out comes Mike Kanellis, on his own. He says Maria wouldn’t be very happy with him coming out but he has something to say. He is NOT a cuck. They are madly in love with each other, she brings out the best in him and they are the happiest, most loving couple in the world. John Cena seriously doubts Mike believes the words he is saying, responding with “there is a difference between love and coercion”.
Maria Kanellis comes out and slaps John Cena. Then, making her WWE return, is Nikki Bella. She charges at Maria but Mike scoops her up and out of the ring. The Kanellis’ escape unscathed. John Cena lays out the challenge, him vs Kanellis at Summerslam. Nikki reveals she will be there at ringside.
Before the match at Summerslam, the Kanellis’ bump into Miz and Maryse backstage. Both couples are overly friendly with each other. Maria praises The Miz’s Intercontinental title win whilst Maryse & Miz love that they are sticking it to John Cena and Daniel Bryan. They fantasize about going on a double date before parting ways. On a split-screen, we hear both Maryse and Maria say “what an awful couple” to their respective partners.
Shocking Upset
In the match, Cena is dominant but Maria interferes now and then to give Mike some opportunities to beat down the legend. Mike Kanellis distracts the referee as Maria prepares the lipstick. NIkki Bella chases her to stop her. Maria runs away bumping into Cena. She tries to slap him but Cena grabs her hand. The referee is distracted by this interaction, behind his back Mike Kanellis grabs Nikki Bella and drops her with a piledriver on the outside! Commentary put over how she has a history of neck injuries.
Cena chases Kanellis back into the ring. He manages to hit an AA but Kanellis rolls out of the ring. Cena chooses to go out and check on Nikki who is motionless. Medical staff rush out and put her in a neck brace and on a stretcher. Commentary are selling how serious this could be. John Cena is distract by the whole ordeal that he doesn’t realise Maria is behind him. He turns around into a kiss from her, she laughs maniacally in his face. He clutches his face in pain, Mike Kanellis drops him with the Power of Love on the outside. Mike rolls him back inside, hitting the Daniel Bryan running knee and a second Power of Love to win the match. Mike Kanellis scores a huge, albeit tainted victory over John Cena.
A big win over John Cena should cement Mike Kanellis as someone to be taken seriously, even if he is under the thumb of his wife.
American Values
After successfully defending his United States championship against Baron Corbin on Smackdown, AJ Styles is interrupted by Maria and Mike Kanellis. At Summerslam, they proved just how powerful love can be because they defeated arguably the greatest of all time, John Cena. Maria knows that AJ can relate to the feeling of defeating John Cena. Now that people have seen for themselves the power of love, it is time to further put it to use.
Maria praises AJ Styles as a wrestler, but calls him an unsuitable representative for the American people. A loving, devoted marriage is the core of true American values. They are ideal role models for all American citizens and they should be the ones to carry the WWE US championship. AJ doesn’t really take any of these words seriously, but as a fighting champion he is happy to defend anytime, any place. Daniel Bryan comes out and as much as he hates the idea of Kanellis as US champion, he cannot deny the results so he adds him to a Triple Threat contender match. Mike Kanellis defeats Dolph Ziggler and Zack Ryder to become the number 1 contender.
Olive Branch
Over the weeks, Maria Kanellis delivers public addresses where she makes bold claims of how WWE will improve under her regime. Mike Kanellis begins talking about how he looked up to legendary US champions like Ric Flair and Roddy Piper, but Maria cuts him off saying that no one is interest in that. She launches a smear campaign against AJ Styles, claiming that his “teacher wife” is a gold digger using AJ for his money and fame. That is not the image of a true American love story.
Later, AJ retorts that it is ironic Maria says that considering she uses Mike Kanellis for her own personal gain. AJ tries to reach out to Mike Kanellis and offer him help if he feels trapped in a toxic relationship. Mike seems to consider this as he looks over at Maria with doubt in his eyes.
The following week, Mike Kanellis comes to the ring and he has been crying. He says that AJ reaching out to him really touched him and made him realise something he never knew before. Mike invites AJ to come out so he can say thank you and vent about Maria. Styles comes out and offers Mike a hug. As they pull away, Mike kicks him in the cock. Kanellis brutally assaults AJ, shouting at him with tears in his eyes “don’t you bad mouth my wife ever again!” Commentary put forward the notion that Mike is clearly emotionally broken and confused.
AJ Styles tried to be sympathetic, but it is clear Mike is too drunk off the Kool-Aid Maria is supplying. At the Hell in a Cell PPV, he will kick Mike’s ass and if Maria tries to plant a kiss on him, he won’t hesitate to knock her down either.
A Ruse
Mike Kanellis vs AJ Styles at Hell in a Cell for the US title. The story of the match is AJ being hyper aware of Maria on the outside, too focused on her whereabouts that he allows Mike opportunities to strike. Throughout the match, Maria keeps calling the shots for Mike but he can never get the win. She gets increasingly frustrated at Mike and often verbally abuses him. After AJ kicks out of the Power of Love, Maria loses her shit screaming “nothing should overcome the power of our love!”
Maria gets into the ring and she argues with Mike whilst the referee tries to calm them down. Maria applies some lipstick and gives the Kiss of Death to her husband. Mike drops to the mat clutching his face in pain, Maria turns to leave and walk up the ramp. AJ has recovered and he approaches Mike to finish him off, but Kanellis catches him in a surprise cradle pin with a handful of tights and a flash pinfall.
Maria smiles on the ramp as she pulls out two lipsticks from her pocket, revealing this all to be a ruse. Mike Kanellis was not given the Kiss of Death, simply a kiss from his wife. Mike hands over the United States championship to Maria. She holds it up whilst the two make out on the ramp in an uncomfortable display of affection.
The twisted love story builds with more signs of this relationship not being all that it seems. Another big victory for Mike Kanellis. This frees AJ up to challenge for the WWE Championship.
The It Couple
Maria is the one who carries around the US championship, not allowing Mike to touch it and saying that “we are the United States champion”. In the lead up to Survivor Series, we have more interactions between the Kanellis’ and the Mizanin’s, a seed that was planted back at Summerslam. With Kanellis as US champion and Miz as Intercontinental champion, they initially look forward to a friendly match at the PPV to see who is the better man.
Whilst nice to each other’s faces, both couples are very critical of each other behind their backs. Maria calls Maryse the worst women’s champion in WWE history and claims she has seen better acting in commercials compared to The Miz’s acting. Miz & Maryse make fun of Mike Kanellis being an obedient servant to his wife and questions how true their love is. Maryse says Maria is jealous that she actually won a title, unlike her.
The two couples exchange passive aggressive “gifts” such as relationship advice books. One man who is loving watching this unfold is Daniel Bryan. In the name of thanksgiving, Bryan meets with Raw GM Kurt Angle and agrees that the US and IC champions should have a thanksgiving dinner together and express their gratitude. Both parties are brought in to a meeting and invited to a thanksgiving dinner. Both couples act happy to attend, playing fake nice with each other.
Thanksgiving
In a pre-recorded segment Mike, Maria, Miz and Maryse all sit for a dinner. It is awkward, there is a tension. They exchange stories of their marriages, in an attempt to one up each other on who is the better couple. They take turns saying what they are most grateful for. Mike is thankful for having the best, most supportive and beautiful wife possible. The Miz is thankful for having the greatest wife of all time and being the greatest world champion to ever exist. Maria is grateful that she didn’t have to be a cringe talent show host just to find someone to love me. Maryse asks Maria how many times she has won a championship in WWE. Maria throws food at Maryse, then the couples get into fight, separated and escorted out by security.
At Survivor Series, Maria gives Maryse the Kiss of Death which provides a distraction for Mike to defeat The Miz with the Power of Love.
Shocking Announcement
Maria Kanellis recaps how powerful their love has been in WWE. They have defeated greats like John Cena and AJ Styles and now they are the US champion. Throughout the segment, Mike tries to share his sentiment but Maria of course always talks over him. Eventually, Mike actually has a brief moment of defiance and he shouts over Maria demanding to let him speak.
He is sick of hearing mockery for being a voiceless follower and he is worried what people are saying is true. Maria is manipulating him and using him for her own good. She says if Mike is willing to listen to all of the stupid, braindead morons out there, then that makes him one too. Mike says “you don’t say things like that to someone you love.” Mike walks out of the ring and away as Maria shouts and screams for him to come back.
The following week, Maria comes out and gets emotional talking about Mike. He has been a bit distant from her over the past week and it has forced her to do a lot of reflecting. She gets upset saying she never intended to mistreat Mike in anyway. She is sorry if Mike’s feelings were hurt. All she wanted to do was to ensure that they have as much success as possible so that they can provide the best possible life for their children.
Then, Maria drops the bombshell that she is pregnant and she just wants Mike to return to being the loving husband that he can be. Mike comes out and asks if this is true, she nods with tears in her eyes. The couple embraces in the ring and Maria says that she has an idea on how to bring them back on the same page. Renewing their vows.
Vow renewal
Backstage Mike and Maria are making preparations to renew their vows at Clash of Champions. Daniel Bryan comes by and says there is no way that this is going to happen, but Shane McMahon overrules him and says that he likes the idea. “Everyone loves a wrestling wedding”. Maria says Bryan is just bitter because his wrestling wedding backfired, referring to his on-screen romance with AJ Lee. Maria takes another shot at Bryan’s marriage with Brie, saying that the Kanellis’ didn’t use their marriage for reality TV to remain relevant.
The weeks leading up to CoC show vignettes of Mike and Maria detailing the proposal and the wedding preparations. It should make them look cringe and obnoxious without being completely off-putting. At Clash of Champions we have the vow renewal. Maria enters with an extravagant dress, Mike Kanellis cries when seeing his wife enter. The minister welcomes us and asks them to speak their vows. After some cringe vows, the minister asks if anyone knows of a reason they should not proceed, to speak now. The crowd boo heavily but then we hear “rusev udria, rusev machka”.
Rusev Day
Out comes Rusev who cannot believe what he is seeing. Don’t they know that they are not allowed to get married on Rusev Day? For everyone’s sake, he forbids this to continue. Maria is in tears and screaming at Rusev for ruining this special moment for them. Rusev reminds her that they’re already married. Rusev says no one cares about their relationship, or their wedding or their love. The fans care about Rusev, so by association, they care about his relationship.
Out steps Lana and she suggests they put a stop to this farce. Lana and Rusev head to the ring, Maria and the minister hide in the corner whilst Mike grabs the US title. He swings for Rusev but he runs straight into a huge kick. Rusev Spinebusters Mike through a wedding cake, through a table. Lana and Rusev celebrate with a kiss and a mouthful of cake as the crowd chant for Rusev Day.
A Lie or A Mistake?
Heading into 2018, Maria and Mike are not a very happy couple after what went down at Clash of Champions. Daniel Bryan understands that they must be desperate to get some revenge, so he decides to book Mike Kanellis vs Rusev for the US championship at the Royal Rumble. Maria scolds Bryan for unfair management and warns that she will be speaking to Shane McMahon for reparations. Daniel Bryan doesn’t care, but he has one last thing to say before he leaves. He heard from a reliable source that Mike should ask Maria to take a pregnancy test. Mike looks over at Maria in disbelief.
The next week, Maria does a pregnancy test and it turns out to be negative. She is not pregnant. Mike is stunned and doesn’t know how to react. Maria swears that the test she took said it was positive and says how they are not always accurate, maybe she didn’t follow the process properly or something but she is adamant to Mike that she saw a positive result. Rusev and Lana interrupt who call bullshit, Maria is clearly lying. Maria calls them the liars and she punches Lana. Rusev grabs Maria for striking his wife, Mike retaliates by punching Rusev and they get into a brawl.
Mixed Match Challenge
Daniel Bryan books Rusev & Lana vs Mike & Maria Kanellis in a mixed tag match on Smackdown, which is Maria’s first WWE match in 8 years. Whoever loses, the wife is banned from ringside for the match at the Royal Rumble. The action is mostly between Mike and Rusev as Maria avoids getting in to wrestle, using her husband to do all of the fighting. Maria runs around and pulls Lana off the apron so she cannot make the tag and cheap shots her throughout. Eventually Lana does get the tag and gets her hands on Maria, though not for very long. Rusev and Mike are back in for the finish. Rusev intercepts the running knee with the Matchka kick, locking in the Accolade and making Kanellis submit.
A New Man
In the lead up to the Rumble, Maria is trying to run the strategy with Mike but he interrupts her and suggests that she stop trying to take control for once. Mike says all he can do now is go out there and do what he does best which is wrestle. He takes the US championship from her and puts it over his shoulder. Maria tells him that he better be a good enough wrestler to get the job done.
Rusev vs Kanellis gets a good amount of time and we see Mike wrestling without Maria and he wrestles a clean match. Commentary put Mike over for going out here and competing fairly instead of falling into bad habits. Kanellis hits Rusev with 2 Power of Love’s and the Bulgarian manages to kick out. Commentary say “maybe the love between Mike and Maria is not as strong as it once was”. Rusev manages to lock in The Accolade, he is posed for victory, but then he is attacked from behind by a masked man, causing a DQ. The masked man continues his assault, Mike watches on confused.
The man unmasks and it is the debuting EC3 who has came out to his aid. Maria comes out full of glee and we assume explains to Mike that this was her plan. She gives EC3 a hug, he spins her around in a moment that feels a touch too intimate. The trio go up the ramp. Maria hands the US title to her husband to hold, he holds it up in the air. Maria holds Mike’s hand, but she also has her hands on EC3 too.
Top one Percent
Maria Kanellis introduces the world to EC3 but unlike how she treats Mike, she hands him a microphone and allows him to speak. EC3 says that he has spent the last 5 years being a top guy, being the most charismatic star in the industry and it was only a matter of time until he landed his feet back in the WWE. He thanks the “gorgeous, dazzling” Maria Kanellis for bringing him in and it is a pleasure to work alongside Mike. EC3 says that he and Mike have a lot of history together outside of this company, not a lot of it good. In fact, EC3 went 30 months without ever being pinned, but that came to an end when he wrestled Mike Kanellis. That is all in the past, they are here in a different promotion and ready to take over the WWE together.
Daniel Bryan has frankly had enough with the antics of the Kanellis Family and he gives Rusev a US championship rematch here on Smackdown. In that match, Mike Kanellis retains once again thanks to interference from EC3 and Maria. Rusev is pissed and he targets both Mike Kanellis and EC3 with attacks as he refuses to quit on his path to being a champion again. Daniel Bryan once again decides to book a rematch, this time inside a Steel Cage at Fastlane. Furthermore, Bryan appoints himself as the referee and he will ensure that whatever the result, it is a fair one.
Fastlane
At Fastlane, Rusev finally manages to defeat Mike Kanellis inside the cage, making him submit to the Accolade. Rusev walks out with the championship, but the bigger story is what takes place after the match.
Mike seemingly accepts his loss gracefully, but Maria storms into the ring and chews Bryan out for being biased and crooked. EC3 then enters the cage and locks the door behind him. EC3 jumps Bryan and assaults him. Mike stands by briefly, but Maria urges him to get involved and the two men beat up the Smackdown General Manager. A load of security and staff rush down the ring, including some of the locker room to climb over and break into the cage to stop the assault.
EC3 and Kanellis are dragged away by security whilst Bryan is checked over by medical staff.
Return of the Goat
Shane McMahon says that if he had it his way, he would fire all 3 of them for the actions at Fastlane but he has received instructions not to act on the situation. Maria Kanellis says that Daniel Bryan has had it in for them ever since they got here. That feeble man is jealous of everything that they have because his life and career is one long disappointment. They are interrupted by Sami Zayn (he never turns heel in this universe), Kanellis’ first rival since debuting in WWE and he calls the act one of the most disgusting things he has ever seen. He challenges any one of them to a match on Smackdown.
We get Sami vs EC3, the latter getting a victory thanks to an assist from Mike Kanellis who is ordered to by his wife. The post match assault is prevented by Daniel Bryan who runs down to the ring. EC3, Mike and Maria run away. Daniel Bryan reveals it was him who told Shane not to fire them, as his last decision in the role of Smackdown General Manager.
Daniel Bryan officially resigns as the GM, but also reveals that he will now be a full time active member of the Smackdown roster. He also has one more thing to reveal. The very last thing he prepared before leaving his job was a match at Wrestlemania. EC3 and Mike Kanellis vs Daniel Bryan and a partner of his choosing. Bryan asks Sami if he would do the honour of joining him in the ring. Sami Zayn would be more than happy to.
Wrestlemania 34
At Wrestlemania 34, no matter what antics Maria Kanellis tries to cause, she cannot stop the inevitable defeat. She plants a Kiss of Death on Bryan at the very start of the match, leaving Sami to fight the match on his own for the first part. Eventually, Bryan makes a recovery and gets the tag. He hits his signature offence, he takes out EC3 and he drops Kanellis with the running knee. Brie Bella comes out and drops Maria Kanellis with the Yes kicks. Bryan locks in the Yes Lock on Mike, he taps out. Bryan, Sami and Brie celebrate their victory at Wrestlemania 34.
The End
I am going to leave things there. I think I have established Mike Kanellis on the main roster well. Sure you can call the romance angle a bit cringe and soap opera, but I see it as a reliably entertaining way to keep them from being just another face in a stacked roster. Maria gets to flourish as an annoying heel which she is good at. Mike gets some big victories including a US title run. EC3 debuts immediately on the main roster and is inserted into this story. EC3 and Kanellis get a feature at Wrestlemania 34 wrestling a returning Daniel Bryan which is a good spot to have.
This story has legs so if you wanted me to continue let me know but here are some ideas where this could lead.
- Maria blames Mike for the Wrestlemania loss and gradually stops interfering in his matches, saying he has to earn her support back.
- EC3 is the one tasked to win back the US title and he does. Maria always accompanies him to the ring.
- The Love Triangle between Maria, Mike and EC3 continues throughout the year until EC3 attacks Mike Kanellis. Maria abandons her husband and sides with EC3.
- Mike turns face and feuds with EC3 over the US title but comes up short.
- EC3 kicks Maria to the curb and reveals that all of this was part of a long-term plan of revenge against both Kanellis’ for ending his 30 month long streak of never being pinned in Impact Wrestling. Maybe he even introduces a new female valet.
- Mike and Maria gradually over time make amends and reunite
Looking for more? Why not check out my other fantasy booking from this month, Damage CTRL!
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